It Comes From Within

And clearly shines bright for all to see.

giggle

november 26
a day
in the year of 2010

but a magical wonderful magnificent lovely day i will remember for the rest of my life

and we are going to rock it

love

it really is one of those feelings that twirls, spins, pulls

it's a rush

it can even be wearing

what it does to ones mind

heart

but i wouldn't trade it

not for anything

and to think

i get to spend forever

with you...my true

melting into you with each embrace

i love you alexander jay

Forever

i've been a horrible blogger...writer...thinker...creator...etc

but

i'm going to try again

to develop and expand

my this and that

i have so many wonderful

things...people...loves

inspiration at my fingertips really

dream a little dream

last night i had a dream that i think i woke up laughing from
perhaps this is just something that is funny to me (it most likely is) but this has never happened to me before.

here goes

in my dream i am at my local grocery store and they have a little booklet that has a variety of interest groups for people to be a part of...from cheese appreciation, wine tastings, literary things, etc....well i saw one that i wanted to join for some reason and it was smoking appreciation (crazy i know). well in my head, i thought this group was going to try different kinds of tobaccos, smoked in cigars, to hookahs, etc. More or less where you would "taste" it, and not focus so much on the smoking we are killing ourselves bit.

well, i show up to the group, we all sit around in a circle on large pillow cushions, we begin to chat away and everyone pulls out a pack of cigarettes and begins to smoke. I am oblivious to what is going on really (i know they are smoking cigarettes, but i don't think anything of it) so I just continue to converse and go on in my typical manner of being over expressive while speaking.

then they start to become disengaged into my conversation and just look at me, like "why aren't you smoking?"

I said something about like "oh, should we start now?" and they just looked at me like i was crazy.

and then i realized. they weren't just waiting for the group to begin, the group had...and the smoking appreciation, was just people being able to smoke cigarettes together in a room.

i then decided to leave, but i must have made a funny face or my expression upon finding out was hilarious, because that is what i woke up to...me laughing at myself.

the sad thing is, i've had similar experiences where what i have in my head about something, is totally not what everyone else does.

heh.

finale

out around and on my sleeve

no more

torn shredded bruised squeezed stabbed jabbed twisted stomped

hid away now

for none to see

buried deep under the tissue muscle bone veins

caged at last

tight constricted

there will be no escaping

the basics

foggy, hazy, gray clouded, thick, humidty

breathing is the easy part

it's the basics

breathing
heart beating
legs standing
eyes seeing

now move forward
a simple one, two, go

but

it's not that easy

the mind worn down, mushy, heart thump thumping, deeper, into throat
and it just sits there
dazed, lumped, clumped, gathered in a knotted mess

just untangle it
take the bits, the loops, the twists and turns

go back to the basics

and take the one, two, go

...i know i can...but...