Full belly

merry christmas people! I hosted my first holiday at my place last night. I was a kitchen whore, but I think my family enjoyed the food. Here are some of the recipes I used:

• fennel-potato soup with smoked salmon
• roast duck with prunes and wine-braised cabbage
• Sweet Potato & Apple Spice Stuffed Turkey Roulade (made without the streusal and such)
  
• Herbed Goat Cheese Balls

Wishing you all the best this holiday. New Years is next! Wah hooo!

set an example

i have few requests
they are really quite simple, but i promise it will make you feel amazing

when you see someone who looks a little down
or a touch off

give them a smile
and maybe say hello

when you are having a bad day, or are just in a dreary mood
make yourself laugh, or go and do something that is just for you
and then, when you are out and about
smile at people

solid

needless to say, i was having a day that seemed to be rebelling against me.
i woke up late.
i got a hole in my tights en route to work.
couldn't speak correctly for the life of me.
picked out an outfit which looked great in my head, but when put on, i ended up looking like an obese mary kate olsen.
got toilet paper stuck to my shoe.
and errors here and there at work.

i felt gross. i looked like a plus-sized model for bag-lay chic. and also discovered a seed from my bagel was stuck in between some teeth, in plain view of anyone who had spoken to me in, let's say the past two hours.

so in my mopie state, i reached out to talk about my flounders. and what i got in return, gave me that warm, tingly feeling (aka honey and warm bread).

" just remember its just one day and one outfit you don't like and i still think you're beautiful no matter what"

solid.

i've hypnotized him with my bag lady ways.

Getting lost in it all

there are moments when i want to strip everything away
the things that i "depend" on
the things that i want
the things that i think i need

and just sit and embrace all that is around me, the feelings i have, and the memories created

this holiday season, i want to focus less on the fluff and sparkle, and spend my time loving, being happy and focusing on the good in people.

to anyone who reads this, i want nothing but genuine warmth to surround you.
always.

and i mean that, with all sincerity.

no mountain needed

arms reach out, and you are never far behind from the tips of my fingers
smile genuine, and more real than ever before
you bring out the meaning of my name


....


i'm not ready for the holidays this year folks, and i don't feel like many people are either. the air doesn't smell right, and people just don't seem to be as festive either.

is it the same in your areas too?

winter wonderland

snow
snow
snow

we had our first real snowfall this year....pictures to be coming shortly!!

warble gobble gobble

Happy Thanksgiving to my readers in the USA. I just want to say that I am so very thankful for the people that I have in my life. Thank you all for being so wonderful.

My sisters and me during our holiday gathering this year

a bit of the ol' holiday cheer

the recipe that i usually make over the holidays is that of Snickerdoodles. And when they are made, we always make a ton.
But my favorite recipe is that of a bean soup. I don't really even know if there is a recipe for it, as my grandmother betty always made it, and when it comes to soups and the like, it is a no rules sort of thing.
the thing that is so great about this soup is that it is spicy hot, chalk full of jalapenos and other zings. and it is delicious. we call it our good luck soup because we usually eat it on new years day. perhaps it is our chance to clean out our bodies (fiber from the beans and spice) in a physical way, which can also be seen as us starting the new year fresh so to speak. oh yes, i went there.

a holiday memory that i have, that has no connection to food, is with my older sister. one christmas, up north at my grandparents log home, we attended the christmas eve candlelight service. that year, they had a new pastor and he was from the south. the south where they are a bit louder and more dramatic. during his sermon, he asked for people to raise up their candles...and this was the breaking point...as b and I began laughing uncontrollably, our arms in the air, shaking and twitching because we were trying so hard not to let our laughter out........and to this day neither of us can sit next to each other in a church service or any type of service where you are supposed to be silent and respectful because we always suffer from laugh attacks.

Interactive

social media
web 2.0
blah blah blah

i want this bitch to be more interactive people

therefore....
my blog topics will now come from you.

that is right! i said it.

it will actually be fun i think. So give me a topic to write about and this girly will. Just leave a comment to this post (you can be anonymous if you want to), and the adventures will begin.

i will even do things too. like, if you want me to go to my favorite place and take pictures, I will. if you want me to find a person and interview them, I will. if you want me to dress like a character from star wars...i will.(obviously, keep it within reason people. I'm not going to be spending a ton of $$ to do this so no cross country trips...not yet anyway).

i know people read this stuff too. this stuff being my blog.

so tell me what you want to read about kids! i do this for you. and well, a bit for me when i need a release. So HELP ME OUT! I think it will actually be a lot of fun.

Looking forward to what you all have to say.

c

I was feeling kind of 90s

and with that, i share the following with you...reminds me of being in middle school and high school...sigh...

i'm not quite sure i understand

i'm horrible at saying things
putting what is really on my mind out there in full force
egads, i'd rather not

so i allude
i use imagery
and i most certainly do not use words people want or expect to hear

so yeah
what I am feeling right now can best be described by this


fresh warm bread dipped in honey

that is how i am feeling, or something of the like

all you need is ...

bits and pieces here and there
mindless boggles and thoughts so fare

slowly now, careful not to rush
blink
eyelashes weave together, catching on the corners with bits of sleep leftover

let it not be just a dream
ending when eyes see light of day

warm me with your embrace

Where has she gone?

My writings, thoughts, and rambles have slowed down a bit my dears…don’t take it personally. I’ve just become a bit distracted as of late.

A few major changes have taken place in my life…perhaps something to give me more material to work with.

I promise in the coming weeks there will be much to write, think and ramble on about…perhaps even a few guest blog postings. In the meantime, I will provide you with some entertainment :)

A wonderful song that makes me smile:


I adore this man:


If you haven't seen this movie, put it on your to do list now!

To quote or not to quote

A pet peeve of mine is when a person is a quoteaholic. What is a quoteaholic you ask? Simply put, it is someone who chooses to spout off words from other people. You know the people I am talking about. Having a conversation with them is like having a conversation with a Quick Quotes book. For every subject matter, feeling, etc, these people have a quote from someone that they can use in the conversation.

What bothers me about this, is the fact that people are relying on the words of other people rather than their own words. If you can make a statement and back it up using your own words, I’ll listen to what you have to say and respect you more.

You’ve lived your life and have gone through experiences, just as the people you would be quoting have, except, I know your words come from your life. That is what intrigues me. If I am speaking with you, I want to know about your thoughts and experiences, not those of others.

Who knows, maybe one day a quoteaholic will start to quote you.

let yourself feel it

Rested in a cage of bones
The heart beats true again

Warm and engaging
Strong and passionate

Pupils turned into mirrors
Dark and reflective

Both feet off the ground this time

The choices we make

what choices have you made recently that you are the most proud of?

i think that my move to minneapolis was one of the best choices for me as of late.

a new view in a familiar place.

This might explain why

I read the following story in the paper today and it made me think of some things, and maybe worry a little bit, although I know I am most likely fine, I can't help but wonder. I had two instances where all of my fish died after doing a water change using my tap water ( i did treat said tap water with chemicals prior to putting in my tank). Both times, it had rained the previous day. The Ford plant in Saint Paul was in my backyard for almost three years, just to give you some perspective. But they say there is no community health risk to worry about, so, um, yeah...

Ford closes ball fields adjoining St. Paul plant
Star Tribune
Ford Motor Company officials announced today that they have closed three adjoining baseball fields on company property at the Twin Cities Assembly plant in St. Paul because of arsenic, copper and iron found in the underlying soil. Andy Hobbs, director of Ford's environmental quality office, said the levels of the metals -- detected 6 inches to 6 feet below the playing fields -- are relatively low but above state standards for recreational use.
He said in a morning teleconference that the company has taken the action to close the area as a precautionary measure.
"We have no reason to believe that the condition of this field poses a community health risk," Hobbs said.
The data received so far are preliminary, he said, and the fields will be disrupted as further testing takes place, making their use impossible.
He declined to speculate about whether soil would need to be removed as part of a cleanup until more conclusive data are obtained.
Hobbs said that the company has notified city and state pollution control officials.
--Tom Meersman

haunting

i want so badly to want again
to have the feeling of light in the head
stomach twisting excitement and nervous energy

to be able to see the potential in other people again
beyond the quick glance here and there

how did you move on so quickly
easily
without regret
effortlessly really

still i am haunted by you

of words you said
and i question the meaning
then and today

mostly though

i just want all to be well with you

and for your haunting to go away

Why bother? Because it makes things better. I promise.

For some reason, I’ve become much more aware of the way people treat each other lately. I have started to think that we, people who live on earth, all too often forget that we are surrounded with other people. And that these people are humans.

A strange concept I know.

They have feelings. They might mean a lot to someone, hell, they might mean a lot to a large group of people. They could be someone’s mother, father, daughter, son, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, best friend, mentor, etc.

Just try to remember this when you are out and about mingling with other people.

I know some people actually do suck and are outright mean, but maybe it is because they’ve been getting the brunt of people forgetting that they are humans too.

Smile. Say thank you. And just be aware of yourself and those around you.

Fall is almost here!

This also means, that super awesome concert season is almost here too.
Tickets are being purchased.
and being out and about will be happening at full force.

fall is my most favorite time of year.
hands down.
i love the way it smells, the way it feels, and mostly, how it makes me feel.

i am more energized, creative, and, well, just full of spirit.

What is your favorite thing about fall? and for those of you who don't get to experience a Minnesota fall, what is fall like for you?

atmosphere

she steals strawberry suckers
hoping to turn her coral lips a new shade
her heart holds hope
singing her own words to popular tunes, she takes
soft
steady
single
steps

girls go get gorgeous
peach powered cheeks, and petal-pink draped eyes
perched properly, poised & pretty
air and skin perfumed, and dress zippers up, she takes
soft
steady
single
steps

still
slowly

sucking strawberry suckers

The power of breathing

Take a moment, or twelve, and find yourself outside

Put your bottom on the ground

And just sit

Legs crossed

Arms back as support

Close your eyes

And just breathe

I mean, really breathe

Feel the air slide across the insides of your nostrils

(Hope that you don’t have a little dried boog. They tickle.)

Find a new rhythm to your breathing

When you inhale, what do you smell?
Rain? Cologne? Dirt? Garbage? Bread? Dogs?

Take the first smells, and then dissect them

Is the rain a cool rain? What are the different parts of the cologne? What is in the dirt?

appreciate the gross and the lovely

because it is here

and it is for you

and for others

to do exactly that

the new lullaby

i have a new lullaby now
its sound is now a different tune
it also includes a rumble

buses, semi-trucks, motorcycles, and feral cats

all provide the melody and harmony to my new lullaby

they even provide a soft rumble and shake for my bed

now close your eyes
and count to five

dream sweetly
wake up softly

matters of the brain

what is easy and what is difficult
what is beautiful and what is hideous

“To each their own,” they say

interpretation, understanding, comprehension, opinion, perception

my father said to me:
“I would get so bored living in the city. There would be nothing for me to do there.”

I replied
“I would get so bored living in your small town. There would be nothing for me to do there.”

simple and layered.

it comes down to the whys, the whats, the stories and experiences of each and every person.

however, most of us just get the simple top layer of the story.

this is why we get confused or frustrated. Maybe if we just asked for the story, we could have a better understanding.

Two years and ten months

Two years and ten months ago, an early twenty-something lady moved to a neighborhood that she grew to call home. It was the first place in her twenty-three years of life where the feeling of longing to move away vanished. She was happy with her apartment. It was her first real grown-up living space with matching furniture and a full set of dishes.

The first few months she would become familiar with her surroundings, and go on walks here and there. She was in the city, but her neighborhood was truly a world of its own.

This lady grew here. She felt comfortable. She let go of insecurities. She fell in love. She even perfected her ability to parallel park.

In two years and ten months, relationships came and went, restaurants opened and closed. All of it was part of the normal flow of life. And with this flow, a move was in order.

The young lady is now crossing the river, a move only a few miles away. Yet she becomes reminiscent of her time spent in this neighborhood walking its sidewalks late at night admiring houses, laughing for hours with friends, loving people, shedding tears, and creating herself into the person she has always wanted to be.

Quietly

roasting coffee beans and a few blonde wood chairs

flesh soft and warm

covered in the sweet spring air

my head out the window

my feet on the seat

hold my hand

easy

amuse and humor me

pretend my fingers are soil

and yours are the roots of a great old tree

twisting and tangling all around

steady and secure

we can laugh and play pretend

while I give you unintentional winks

look at old photographs of strangers

holding stories of lives once lived

smiles and hardships

placed out on metal plates

give me more than your words

hold me, pinch me, drop me, lift me

just give me more than your words

kick me, squeeze me, lick me, carry me
just give me more than your words
part of it has faded, and no no, i am not jaded
i stood up

and here i stand

dot

dot

dot

standing

breathing

and really

dot

dot

dot

seeing

just give me more than your words

it makes a great story

During dinner conversation with one of my friends, we were discussing the things that happen to us in our lives. We decided that things happen to us that typically would only happen in a work of fiction, screenplay, etc.

And this is why hanging out with me and my friends is always an adventure in one way or another.

This happens though, because in a way, we make it happen. We are the ones who are in control of the movie that is our life.

Even if something seems like a typical day-to-day activity, I think we should all make it more of a moment or experience. Talk to a new person, try something you haven’t tried before, wear something that is a bit different, and get lost on purpose.

Think of the camera cues, or think of what the narrator might say.

Try to do things so you will be able to write a great story later.

heat plays with the mind

it has been crazy hot here in minneapolis/saint paul

and i can say that, because i feel that it has increased the crazy levels

last night i had a dream

it was in the later evening hours, and i was at a parade with a group of people. We came up to a man who had a little dog.


this dog was unlike any dog i've ever seen before

this dog was clear, and covered in ice. he almost looked like a live action ice sculpture. the dog was small and looked vaguely like Falcor from "The Neverending Story Movie."


I would pet the dog and feel the cold wet ice touch my hand and fall off of the little dog, so i could then feel his cool, wet, clear fur.


i continued to pet the dog, and help him remove the ice from his little body and legs.


once all the ice was removed, the dog blinked, licked my hand, tilted his head, and then i woke up.

we come here today in celebration

death
the big Good Bye

as i sat in the pew, i kept getting distracted from the creaking of the wood, and the white paint chipping on the frame of the window, and how the pink stained glass gave my skin a soft glow.

i always feel awkward in churches. so take that general awkwardness of being in church, add that to a memorial service for someone who has died, and put that all on top of the awkwardness that is me.

and so they came to tell the stories

precious

that was the word the pastor said many used to describe her, among others

and she was

and being in that church, hearing the stories, feeling the presence of all of those around me

i felt warm

and reminiscent

is this what faith is like? in the religious sense? where can one find this feeling without being in a church, or at a memorial service?

it is possible to find elsewhere, right?

sweet sweet goodness

my fruit of choice right now is....

mango

i'm addicted.

i encourage you all to go and eat mangoes now and all summer long

let the juice drip down your chins and forearms and get pulp strings in your teeth

sticky sweet goodness

close your eyes and just listen for a moment

is it better to

long for and love people that do not know of your existence

or

long for and love people who know who you are, but would rather not have you in their lives

both have great things really and evoke emotions

however, some of those emotions can tear a person apart

What does it mean to you?

How frequently do you truly ask yourself what something means to you? My lunch conversation today made me look at that question and I realized that I really don't ask myself it enough.

I encourage everyone to take a look at things, from what you do to what your opinion on things are and reexamine it, take a step back, and honestly put thought into it.

PS Happy Pride weekend friends!

Investments

According to the wonderful dictionary.com one of the definitions for the word “invest” is:

• To spend or devote for future advantage or benefit
• To devote morally or psychologically, as to a purpose; commit

Now in my mid-twenties I am wondering if perhaps I should be investing in more in both the personal and monetary portions of my life. What are smart investments to make right now? I know that from a monetary side, I have not been the wisest, so any ideas are appreciated! Whenever I think of monetary investments I think of suits and slicked hair and phrases that make no sense to me what-so-ever.

Personal investments are a shady, foggy, difficult area for me, and I think many people who are in their 20s, or well, any age really. This doesn’t mean that I won’t invest in people, nor should this mean others shouldn’t invest in people. We just need to take the risk and put ourselves out there, because I truly feel (way deep down buried inside me probably located in my big toe) that the investment I make in certain people is for a specific reason. And even if the investments don’t necessarily turn out as I had hoped for, I can’t look at them as mistakes.

It was an Ani DiFranco kind of day

When asked “How are you,” she really didn’t know what to say. Her mind has been elsewhere lately. Focusing too much on things from the past and looking too far into the future, she hasn’t been spending time living in the present.

Her eyes open with the whites showing clearly, she responded with, “It’s an Ani DiFranco kind of day.”

The statement captured it all. Tears well up in the eyes, but do not fall. Stomach muscles tighten, but they do not nauseate. Fingertips tingle, but they take no action.

She felt a sense of hope and strength, but she did not know how to make her feelings turn into actions.

delusional

the mind is an interesting thing

and recently i've come to realize the power that it has

and just how easily

it is

for one to become delusional



what memories are real

which are made up

the ability to differentiate these is obviously the key to being sane



however



how do we really know what memories are real



think about it

if you put yourself in a place, really put yourself there, that memory becomes real, even if you only experienced it in your head. it is a mix of of experiences, moments

company

the company of others really is an amazing thing

don't get me wrong, i enjoy my time alone

but sometimes, my time alone can get the best of me

and i find myself seeking others.

going to a busy mall.
a buzzing coffee shop.
or a city park on a sunny day.

mostly to find comfort and inspiration from people around me.

people are an amazing thing and i think we all too often forget the beauty that ...

seeing yourself for the first time

there are times
when i look into a mirror and just stand there
staring back at myself
focusing on my eyes

and trying to see what they have to say

but lately, they haven’t been saying much back

sort of just there, in a blank stare

it hasn’t been letting me live my life

really live it

and i feel that now truly is the time to embrace what is around me
and look at that which i have always seen as being unreachable
and now trying to reach for it

i’m stepping out
and i am doing it today
and every day forward