giggle

november 26
a day
in the year of 2010

but a magical wonderful magnificent lovely day i will remember for the rest of my life

and we are going to rock it

love

it really is one of those feelings that twirls, spins, pulls

it's a rush

it can even be wearing

what it does to ones mind

heart

but i wouldn't trade it

not for anything

and to think

i get to spend forever

with you...my true

melting into you with each embrace

i love you alexander jay

Forever

i've been a horrible blogger...writer...thinker...creator...etc

but

i'm going to try again

to develop and expand

my this and that

i have so many wonderful

things...people...loves

inspiration at my fingertips really

dream a little dream

last night i had a dream that i think i woke up laughing from
perhaps this is just something that is funny to me (it most likely is) but this has never happened to me before.

here goes

in my dream i am at my local grocery store and they have a little booklet that has a variety of interest groups for people to be a part of...from cheese appreciation, wine tastings, literary things, etc....well i saw one that i wanted to join for some reason and it was smoking appreciation (crazy i know). well in my head, i thought this group was going to try different kinds of tobaccos, smoked in cigars, to hookahs, etc. More or less where you would "taste" it, and not focus so much on the smoking we are killing ourselves bit.

well, i show up to the group, we all sit around in a circle on large pillow cushions, we begin to chat away and everyone pulls out a pack of cigarettes and begins to smoke. I am oblivious to what is going on really (i know they are smoking cigarettes, but i don't think anything of it) so I just continue to converse and go on in my typical manner of being over expressive while speaking.

then they start to become disengaged into my conversation and just look at me, like "why aren't you smoking?"

I said something about like "oh, should we start now?" and they just looked at me like i was crazy.

and then i realized. they weren't just waiting for the group to begin, the group had...and the smoking appreciation, was just people being able to smoke cigarettes together in a room.

i then decided to leave, but i must have made a funny face or my expression upon finding out was hilarious, because that is what i woke up to...me laughing at myself.

the sad thing is, i've had similar experiences where what i have in my head about something, is totally not what everyone else does.

heh.

finale

out around and on my sleeve

no more

torn shredded bruised squeezed stabbed jabbed twisted stomped

hid away now

for none to see

buried deep under the tissue muscle bone veins

caged at last

tight constricted

there will be no escaping

the basics

foggy, hazy, gray clouded, thick, humidty

breathing is the easy part

it's the basics

breathing
heart beating
legs standing
eyes seeing

now move forward
a simple one, two, go

but

it's not that easy

the mind worn down, mushy, heart thump thumping, deeper, into throat
and it just sits there
dazed, lumped, clumped, gathered in a knotted mess

just untangle it
take the bits, the loops, the twists and turns

go back to the basics

and take the one, two, go

...i know i can...but...

in the dark

faceless heads cloaked in masks
meander through the earth covered floor with soil rich and fertile

souls and memories float around in the skies here
passing through trees and brush

the air alive with energy

bodies lay about, with fingers clinging to the soil
deeper and deeper
taking root
skin, bare
touching the earth

this is where life starts
released
mouths open
wide
and wider yet

sing song sing

hush now
it will be all right
i'll hold you tight
and won't let go

my arms wrapped around
your head on my chest
let the thumps warm you
crawl inside if you will

you know you have a space

let the light hit your face
eyes shut
with my lips i'll trace
and kiss them gently

we flow together
you and i
intertwined

just hush now
it will be all right
i'll hold you tight
and won't let go

look what the wind blew in

i am, in fact, still alive
i will say
the spring has been one of my least favorite of all
rain rain cold cold

as i write all the live long day at work, writing in my free time has not seemed appealing to me

to be honest, i have pure writers block

my head has been a bit fogged as well in the creative realm

i think i need...
a few days of sun
a mini trip
and some inspiration

open

when you look at me what do you see?

A girl with round cheeks
soft features
green eyes
dark hair
full brows
straight teeth
pink lips
connected earlobes
light beige skin
blemishes here and there
faded dimple

or do you see the story
the moments of joy
sadness
knowledge
innocence
experiences

do you see the love had
having
in

do you see the scars, burns, conditioning
the hope or lack of

do you see a shell
or more

what do you see when you look
deeper
at others

do you see yourself

for you,my true

soft blue
an awkward beauty
engages me
with every
glance
and
gaze

Blanket

And I'm sorry. And I want to be.
Warm sketch.
Scrape thin lines, on glass.
Shiver pines.
Etch.
I forgive me, warms my heart.
But I love you more now.
Dearest.

...

hi

it's me

i've been away

not saying i'm here to stay

my words are a touch dry and my body chilled

come spring you'll see new bits here and there, much more frequently than as of late

i promise

till then, or whenever the urge strikes

be patient

i'm sure you are all on the edge of your seat, really

n0

strength

i finally did it
i stayed strong and did not budge

you'd be proud

i've learned a lot from you

thanks love

dreams dreams dreams

when i was a little girl, i wanted to be a girl in a music video. i would dress up in the most glorious 80s trendy off the shoulder outfits, apply the most glamorous shades of blue and pink to my face, and spray my hair with the strongest hairspray i could find.

i was a beautiful 7 year old music video chick.

And that was just one of the dreams i had. I also wanted to be a scientist among other things.

What are some of the dreams you had when you were a kid?

Happy New Year!

and how many other blog posts on this very day have that title? what can i say, i'm an original cat, right?

in all sincerity though, i really do hope that everyone had a wonderful time ringing in the new year and spent it with those close to them.

So now 2007 is over. the year wasn't all that bad, it was a huge year of change for me. ended a relationship that should have been over a year before it ended, moved from st paul to minneapolis, apartment to a house, different job, new company, and found a wonderful love.

2008 will have nothing but wonderfulness in store for everyone i am sure.

wishing you all the very very best (and if you are in MN or any other sort of cold weather place, keep warm, snuggle, and drink hotness)

Full belly

merry christmas people! I hosted my first holiday at my place last night. I was a kitchen whore, but I think my family enjoyed the food. Here are some of the recipes I used:

• fennel-potato soup with smoked salmon
• roast duck with prunes and wine-braised cabbage
• Sweet Potato & Apple Spice Stuffed Turkey Roulade (made without the streusal and such)
  
• Herbed Goat Cheese Balls

Wishing you all the best this holiday. New Years is next! Wah hooo!

set an example

i have few requests
they are really quite simple, but i promise it will make you feel amazing

when you see someone who looks a little down
or a touch off

give them a smile
and maybe say hello

when you are having a bad day, or are just in a dreary mood
make yourself laugh, or go and do something that is just for you
and then, when you are out and about
smile at people

solid

needless to say, i was having a day that seemed to be rebelling against me.
i woke up late.
i got a hole in my tights en route to work.
couldn't speak correctly for the life of me.
picked out an outfit which looked great in my head, but when put on, i ended up looking like an obese mary kate olsen.
got toilet paper stuck to my shoe.
and errors here and there at work.

i felt gross. i looked like a plus-sized model for bag-lay chic. and also discovered a seed from my bagel was stuck in between some teeth, in plain view of anyone who had spoken to me in, let's say the past two hours.

so in my mopie state, i reached out to talk about my flounders. and what i got in return, gave me that warm, tingly feeling (aka honey and warm bread).

" just remember its just one day and one outfit you don't like and i still think you're beautiful no matter what"

solid.

i've hypnotized him with my bag lady ways.

Getting lost in it all

there are moments when i want to strip everything away
the things that i "depend" on
the things that i want
the things that i think i need

and just sit and embrace all that is around me, the feelings i have, and the memories created

this holiday season, i want to focus less on the fluff and sparkle, and spend my time loving, being happy and focusing on the good in people.

to anyone who reads this, i want nothing but genuine warmth to surround you.
always.

and i mean that, with all sincerity.